And Life Goes On

I intentionally do not allow myself to become disgusted that I have not contributed to this blog in such a long time.  At times I choose Ellen videos (I will admit it proudly!), Penguins of Madagascar cartoons, walks around the barrio, podcasts or house chores instead.  I may journal or read, and have been to antique stores, flea markets, musicals and art museums,  but truly most of my free time is spend doing unglamorous activities such as laundry, grocery shopping or cleaning. (Spaniards are clean, and the pressure to follow suit is worth mentioning. They mop IN FRONT OF their house every day, for crying out loud.) Whatever the moment, I just cannot bring myself to write when I’m not into it.  But I do have things to tell. (“Oh, boy-howdy” surfaces to my brain; I’m not quite sure why and I occasionally doubt what I say in English any more. Tonight I called an umbrella a rainbow, as in “Can you please hold the rainbow for a moment?“ and I could not think of a better word for the life of me.)  A wise and dear friend of mine who blogs told me, "Remember, life goes on" in reference to the fact that you may leave behind some worthwhile information that is "blog-worthy", but that you have to continue looking forward or you might lose your marbles. And I have resigned to this reality. BUT STILL- 

I never quite got around to talking about the time that our kind, dear friends Marina and Luis planned a surprise weekend, picked us up after a 4 hour drive, to drive one more hour with us and a car full of groceries to the amazing house they rented for us in the mountains.  It was such a gift to have someone take care of us, to not have to make the plans, to be with this lovely family, play cards, picnic in the woods.  This simple act of great kindness will forever be dear and memorable.

I never quite got around to writing about how some times it has been hard, how I’ve felt lonely and had to really focus on why I’m here (so kids will learn Spanish and the culture, broaden their horizons, mentality, skill set) in order to stay grounded. The other day my friends for their own good reasons did not let me take their dog with me to the park, and I was surprised at my disappointment!   Most of my friends are in Salamanca, and the friends here in Madrid have their lives, their jobs, their responsibilities and their kilometers that are not always compatible with mine.  I love that damn dog and the companionship he offers and I proudly admit it; I missed his excitement, his obvious willingness to spend time with me. Because I have to pick the boys up at 12:30 (with lunch already started), return them at 2:30 and pick them up at 4:30, I don’t have big blocks of time that allow for fun visits. If I do get together with friends after school, I find myself staying later than I would in the States, pushing back our bedtime in order to take advantage of that time with others.  In Montana, my social life is active and full and I am not accustomed to feeling lonely, but the loneliness I experience here has allowed me to appreciate my boys even more - something I didn’t know was possible. 

I never quite got around to writing about meeting my dear friend’s son that I hadn’t seen since he was a baby, how delightful it was to see him after nearly five years, how proud I am of my friend for his efforts to be in his son’s life. How I also met the delightful friends who allow he and his son to stay at their house, rent-free, every other weekend so that they can be together.  At least twice a month, Jose takes the high-speed train to Valencia, then rents a car to drive the remaining hour to the pueblo where his son lives. They go to lunch at their favorite restaurant (I will attest it is INCREDIBLE: Kayuko  ), walk to the beach, go back home for a nap, relax together.  

I never quite got around to writing about how we decided at 5 PM on Friday to leave for Prague the very next day and how wonderful that trip was.  My mom’s cousin has lived there for 3 years, and I had not spent any time with her as an adult, outside of a quick hour in an airport.  It was a wonderful, satisfying, fun and PERFECT trip and it felt so great to connect with such a generous and kind family member.  

I never quite got around to writing about our trip to the cookie factory, how a worker broke the rules and gave Atticus a piece of dough, unaware how much that meant to this kid who cannot facilitate interactions with others as he would at home. How the kindness of the kids struck me and filled me with wonder. They gave Atticus hugs, they sat by him on the bus, they encouraged him.  And he said nothing. 3 near-mute months, and they have not given up on him.  How they ALL cheered when 2 girls who are best friends got to be partners. How wonderful they were to each other and to me.  Not one child was teased, excluded, maltreated; every person not just respected but accepted.  (photos to come as soon as I can find some WiFi.)

I never quite got around to writing about how Hugo decided to get to work in class, to make an real effort, to fully integrate.  How his entire class now calls him “Hugy” (oo-ghee) thanks to his best friend Diego. How Diego’s family invited us over for a play date where we met the caliber of people that foster toddlers when they already have 3 children of their own. How 10 children ran around a 3 bedroom apartment, brandishing plastic weapons, riding scooters and constantly taking toys away from the puppy WITHOUT A SINGLE PROBLEM IN THREE HOURS.

I never quite got around to writing about the thrill of being able to walk almost entirely pain-free after almost 4 months.  How the Retiro Park has been a godsend and how I have chosen to have a positive perspective about my weight gain. I injured myself in a dance class - a double bummer because I absolutely LOVED the class and I was feeling really great about an alternative to running that was fun, convenient and increased my heart rate.  Although I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to suffer from plantar fasciatis, the therapy that resulted taught me to re-learn how to walk again in a way that will benefit me in the long run and perhaps even allow me to run again someday.  It was a first step in a journey that will most-certainly end up in a better physical place when all is said and done.  (Thank you,  Axis PT!) 

I never quite got around to writing about how much I miss my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, my home, my neighborhood, my community, my valley. How I have loved getting to better know my friends here and life in a big city.  How people truly are the same everywhere you go. How no matter where you end up, life is what you make of it. And sometimes it takes a little effort to remind ourselves how truly fortunate we are, but life is exactly about having that choice.

Live on, friends. 

Celebrating a bachelorette party in Gandia

Lego Museum in Prague

April 12, 2012

• Today was magical; we have turned a corner and laughed and laughed. I love them so much. 
• I burned my finger cooking calamari and went to the farmacia.  They are so wonderful and gave me a creme that smells heavenly-medicinal. 
• Today I really noticed that I am having some serious Spanish-English issues. Esparagus? Portero? WTF?
• Today I went to the market and bought fresh calamari, strawberries, asparagus, bread and raisins. We eat like kings. We decided that we really are kings. 
• Last night Hugo talked in his sleep- IN SPANISH.
• Today Atticus told people “Adiós.” Over and over again.
• Today we stopped and talked to people in the street out of recognition.  I also look forward to greeting the old man in true yellow pants who sits on the bench on Sánchez Barcaiztegui every day. He kicks hass.
• The boys went to bed at 10:15 and it was so normal.
• Atticus thinks that he gets to take the high-speed train to Valencia if he speaks a lot of Spanish this week.  I thought of this incentive after I had already bought the tickets.
• I have yet to write about our amazing weekend in Las Cabras with our incredible friends and am itchy to do so.
• Speaking of itchy, I have six flea bites that are purple and swollen. Sooo sexy.
• Speaking of sexy, I saw a couple fully making out in the street.  And I miss my husband.
• Which reminds me.... Today was the second day that I walked without pain!!!  This is H.U.G.E.!!!!  I plan on continuing my recuperation.  Plantar fasciitis is mean.  Thank you, Jason for the foot massage; I really think this was the turning point! 
• I may have gained a few maybe 10 pounds due to my foot injury and total inability to be physically active over the last 2 months.  BUT I am convinced that I will stronger and more capable in the end!!!  I will NEVER look at someone who is physically inactive in the same way again!
• The Parque de Retiro is incredible and I am so grateful that it is five minutes away.  What a gift!!!
• Comte cheese is to die for.
• It turns out it was pretty amazing that we found a school with 2 vacancies mid-way through the year and adjacent to our friends’ house.  I love that school and could not have chosen better personalities for our children’s teachers.
• I had a “ladies coffee” today and remembered what it was like to be 19. Almost. I’m not sure I really ever was 19. Maybe when I was 10. 
• I love our hot shower. Even if the bathroom stinks like sewer until you plug all the drains and your nose.
• I have 7 “decorations” on our living room wall: 1. our goals  2. the boys’ allowance chart 3. In Our Family We...., 4. a chart describing Hugo’s positive traits, 5. a chart describing Atticus’s positive qualities, 6. A LEGO Ninjago poster. 7. an Easter card from my mom. 
• Our bookshelf, the only other furniture besides our couch, table, chairs and TV/Lego stand leans to one side and holds EVERYTHING we need here that isn’t piled on the table.
• Our doorman dresses in a suit every day from about 5:30 until 7:30. He changes clothing at least four times per day.
• I will miss snuggling with Hugo all night long.
• Our dinnerware is blue glass and I will miss it, too. 
• If your dog barks or growls and you do not guide him to be social, you are rewarding his behavior, for crying out loud. 
• They turned the heat back on, Thank God.
• People are the same ALL over the world. 

La visita de SanJasonMari

Jason left on Tuesday and it was a brutal morning.  Before this trip we were all last together on February 8th, two months ago.  We talked a lot about being away from each other for such a long time, about whether or not it was worth it.  We agreed it was and with 25 years together “under our belts” we knew we would benefit from the reminder of how much we appreciate each other and enjoy our life together.   We decided that we would try to make visits happen every six to eight weeks.  We were previously apart for 3 months in 1994 when I came to Spain with a university program and it was not optimal.  I greatly valued the experience and had wonderful moments, but they do not compare with the amazing year that we spend here together in 1997.  But all of that was before Skype and, although it cannot replace the physical proximity and regular contact of the people you love, it does help if you can talk at any given moment for no additional cost. What we weren’t sure of was how it would be for the kids.  And I will unabashedly and pridefully tell you that our boys are champs.  It was a difficult morning and, although I felt awful making them go to school, I knew they would feel so much better around their friends. It was the right thing to do. By lunch break they were smiling, talking about how much they loved having their dad around, how they were glad they would see him again in as much time, how they know it is all worth it in the end.  Today Atticus decided to start trying to speak Spanish, even if it meant he would make mistakes, and he did!Hugo decided he would start being more in control of his impulses and he was! Both boys grew up when their father left in a positive and powerful way. 

José treated us to an incredible dinner

Whenever we visit Spain we are always faced with the same dilemma: how do we take advantage of the opportunity to see so our friends literally all across the country but in only a few days? How do we pack a years’ worth of experiences into a couple of weeks?  It is agonizing and almost enough to make us avoid the trip, but we can’t resist the pull.  People here know how to take advantage of time with friends, and although we leave feel unsatisfied and wanting more, we are jubilant and full of love.  This time it felt right to visit the friends that we are least likely to see in June when Jason returns, so after a quick visit with our friends here we rented a car and drove 1,000 miles in essentially 4 days’ time.  

Lucas's self-portrait

On Day One we headed to Portugal to see our friends Dani and Marga.  We all first met in Missoula and had the privilege of watching them add baby Lucas to their family while there.  They are currently in Coimbra, Portugal and it was fantastic to have real snapshots in our heads of their life there - their house, Lucas’ school, their walk to work through the park, their city. We had been to Coimbra before but again only in passing, and we were reminded of how incredibly beautiful this part of Portugal is.  Sophisticated, architecturally exquisite, verdant green and possessing the perfect balance of modern and vintage, it is (just like Dani and Marga) charming, quality, smart and satisfying.  (I can see where I might feel differently if I were to use a cane or wheelchair, however, as it is most definitely NOT accessible in this regard. Let me clarify that it is in this way that D and M diverge from my comparisons, as they are very accessible and accommodating.) We regretted such a short visit but were so very thankful to get some time with them. Oh, and that Lucas!!!  What a lucky boy - there’s a whole lotta love going on in that 
lovely family.  

The following day we drove north to Villagarcía to see our dear friends Miriam and her mother Seve, and finally meet sister Natalia after so many years of hearing about her.  We found out that, indeed, she is just as fantastic as we were told she would be. Miriam was as full of life and sparkling as ever, and it was a joy to be with her again. 

Miriam and I were destined to be in each others’ lives.  We met out of sheer coincidence on her second day in the US, striking up a conversation outside of the university center. After talking for a bit, we discovered that my intuitive and kind friend Connie had sat next to her on the airplane the day before and given her my email as she thought we would hit if off.  She was correct, and although we do not get to see each other as often as we would like, we pick up right where we leave off, and each moment is fun and authentic.  

Miriam and her family gave us a thorough tour considering the very short time we were there, taking us to Pontevedra, another beautiful and quaint city, as well as to Arousa Island (Illa da Arousa) where we ate an amazing meal and happily beach-combed in spite of the damp and wind. Natalia was kind enough to offer to stay at home with the boys so we could go out for a relaxing dinner; it was the first time in two months that I have done anything adult-like without the boys (outside of the chores I accomplish while they are in school) and as you can imagine, I was very grateful.  We left Miriam with her friends at 10 and Jason and I wandered stone streets in the mist, followed the glowing blue lights of the Camino de Santiago, took in a Semana Santa procession* ( My video of the Pontevedra procession ) from which I was somehow awarded a rose from the float of the Virgin Mary by one of her sore and tired bearers. To add to the romance, upon entering a restaurant our wedding song began to play. It might be like hearing Rosana’s “No Quiero Estar Sin Ti” in Montana as Annie’s Song is not typical for Spain; this night full of gifts was to be savored.   

• I am not Catholic and yet their beauty and devotion always brings tears to my eyes:  Semana Santa in Spain 

 




Upon wistfully saying our goodbyes and already looking forward to our next visit with these friends we left behind, we headed toward Madrid.  We needed to be back by 2 PM for a lunch that our friends were hosting for Jason and knew we couldn’t make the trip from Villagarcía.  We also knew that we would only have a matter of hours in Salamanca, and debated stopping somewhere else instead as it is just so dang hard to be there without seeing all of our friends, an impossible feat in a couple of hours’ time.  We decided that we would wing it and surprise those we could find.  

Immediately upon pulling into town we heard a procession.  We had wanted the boys to experience one but the regular rain over the last few days was not worth the risk of destroying the hundreds of years’ old statues and many were cancelled.   Although it threatened rain, this one was ON, and the boys and I jumped from the car while Jason parked. (Remember doing this stuff before cell phones? Hah!)  We found a perfect spot under the arch of the glorious Plaza Mayor, protected from rain and adjacent to three excited abuelas.  I planned on taking advantage of their undoubted excitement of explaining to a foreigner and her children the significance of the parade; I was not disappointed. Jason found us right as the parade started, and the rain held out almost until the floats completed their route.  (My video of the Salamanca procession) We managed to find a hotel room, make it to a restaurant we used to frequent on the Plaza Mayor, pop in on some dear friends for a 
rousing late-night discussion and were in bed at a time my children didn’t even know existed before we moved to Spain.

They must lower the float to fit through the arch, then they impressively raise her up above their heads when they enter the Plaza.

They carry the heavy float for HOURS, barefoot at times.  When a curtain doesn't cover their faces, you can see the agony and effort. You hear it regardless, toward the end.

And oh the lunch in Madrid the next day.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends.  Jose's mother Marisol is an amazing woman and cook, and she prepared homemade Russian salad, roasted red peppers, a fried zucchini/Havarti cheese/hard-boiled egg appetizer that was to die for, fresh bread, a fish, spinach, cheese and seafood “pie” and lamb chops for those who eat meat. Of course, it was also accompanied by wonderful Spanish wine, delicious cheeses, a cheesecake, Palmera pastry, homemade chocolate truffles and espresso. Oh that woman can cook meals fit for royalty, and the only thing that was more impressive than her food was the company.  It was a special day and, although we were exhausted, we were so grateful for the opportunity to be with our friends together. 

The day before Jason left we stayed in bed until 11, snug as four bugs in a bed-rug, enjoying our togetherness, slow conversation and warmth. We took the subway to the center to purchase a few things and have lunch in the longed-for-sun, then returned home to pack and again meet our friends for a farewell dinner.  This is normal for Spain:  family, friends, food, time together - it is what they DO.  And exactly WHY we are here, so that our children know another way of living that is also rich and fulfilling and generous of spirit. Tonight there will be a little more room in our tiny, one-bedroom apartment, but our hearts will fill that space, and we look forward to Chapter Two. 

And please pardon the lack of editing; the page is beautiful before publishing and while viewing in editing mode, however, it changes upon publishing.  Also, my Facebook "LIKE" button is messed up - sometimes I have 38 likes, other times I have 2 and then 39 the next minute. Anyone have any tips?